JUNE 19, 2025

hi everyone its been a bit, yesterday was my birthday and I started working at a new place, its ok so far i think i will adjust in time. I went to the mall for my bday and it was sooo much fun, me and my bf went to a ton of stores like pop mart. no they did not have labubus but i did get a peach riot rush hour fig. i got ice cream parlor poppy! :))) speaking of poppy, pop mart had this really cute poppy molly figure for like $100. im not the biggest trolls fan (liar) but ya know thats crazy, she was cute looking though.

hmnnfmd, anywyays. i just want things 2 look up for me. i think this can be the start of something nice if my body would just agree with me for once. I hate pmsing I HATE IT I HATE IT i think slicing myself open in the stomach would hurt LESS than this.

ffffffffffffffjjjjjjgj ok sorry byeee

JUNE 6, 2025

hfhgfngn smurf brainrot....... hiiiihi my hands are shaking a lot right now and idk why but ive been n dealing with it a lot lately. anyways hi everyone i wanted to share a wip of something i was working on, so since i dont start my new job until after my birthday,,, june 19th that is. I have a lot of free time so i am attempting to challenge myself to making something within that tine. by that im not just talking illustration work. I mean likeee an amv / video. So I've been listeing to some of my favorite vocaloid songs lately and slowly building a playlist called "Vocaloid Songs That Are Smurfy" lollolol... MASA WORKS DESIGN ft.Sachiko - 病姫 reminded me so viscerally of Vanity Smurf that I got quick to work. I could probably put my time into something else but wtf who cares anymore.

MOOD: Happy

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Nothing

EATING: Popcorn

CURRENTLY WATCHING: my bf play smurf village party lol

JUNE 1, 2025

Happy Pride Month, may this month be filled with peace and kindness, its hard to deny the current state of the world. It's hard to deny the growing apathy epidemic and how hate has bred itself in tenfold the past decade. What do we do to combat hate? Why, Love of course. Find it in your heart to treat those different than you with open arms and acceptance. With the rise of suicide rates and laws constantly being stripped day by day please remember to check up on your friends and see how they're holding up against the wave of intolerance. I can't lie and say that it'll get any better but we can only keep pushing through and trying our hardest to fight for love and life itself.

With that out of the way, I'm going to write about my life now, happy pride from your favorite genderfuck snail-- Nathan!

So I'm officially done with my job and I got my starting date for my new job, im unemployed for 2 weeks... yeaaaaa. I think I'll be fine but I'm gonna push my commissions. With this time off I've decided to get into something I've wanted to get into for a very long time.

SECOND LIFE!

My buddy Bug has been teaching me the ropes and its been great! It's cool to finally get involved in a scene I've been dying to check out. I mean it's def. mostly bcuz avatar customization is the best thing ever and I've seen what kinds of looks you can have on SL and its very cool. I am gonna try starting with my sona Snail first, but from there I may try making originals! yayyy

My birthday is this month and I'm not expecting too much, still- it feels weird to say im turning 23... I think I won't ever get over the shock of making it to adulthood to be honest.

MOOD: Kinda Lonely

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Craving - Sleepwalk

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

MAY 27, 2025

Well......its almost 4 in the morning and I am awake for some unholy reason, Its been a bit since I updated but I;mtrying to get a new job and I am scared if thats even the right choice. I've had a lot going on at home and its killing my spirit. I feel so hopeless most of the time honestly, I feel doomed. I go to work today at 10 and I'm just praying, praying, praying it goes right. I haven't felt creative again like usual, im wondering what path is the right one for me because I don't see a future in my art, my writing, my beliefs, nothing. Within the time gone I spent a lot of time with my little brother and boyfriend, me and my lover have been binging smurfs because its what we do for fun idk, its fun. My brother actually really like the hanna barbera 80's cartoon which is reall sweet to see. Its sweet to share childhood memories with someone of a different generation, seeing the wonder in his eyes at the marvel of 80's animation and technology. We watched the 2017 "Lost Village" film as well and that was fun but I certainly think he prefers the original show. I've been conceptualizing a smurfs infection au with the boyfriend also for fun because my little brother showed us a smash bros one, and "The Purple Smurf" episode is chalk-full of inspiration. I'm scared of change, but maybe its what I need? I constantly feel like I am running from something and my legs are exhausted. A few days ago I reciveed my physical-special-edition version of Pinky & Pepper Forever and reread through the story with its additional pages and was beyond pleased. I finished almost in tears (but i didnt cry-im tough like that!!!) what a beautifully, wonderfully tragic story of two puppygirls in love (sighs dreamily). I think thats all for now. I'm going to try going back to bed, but the anxiety is eating me alive atm. Goodnight... or Goodmorning ........?

MOOD: Tired

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Binural Beats Playlist on Spotify

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

MAY 21, 2025

I enjoyed a nice three days off from work, extremely defeated that I have to go back tomorrow but whatever is what it is.

Today I feel like complaining about friendships, just like everything beautiful in life there comes so much muck and misery. Friendship is one of those beautiful and miserable things. Maybe It's because I hate myself and have no respect for anything I do but making friends is so fucking hard. I keep crying about it lately to my boyfriend because we're both so cooped up and miserable and we don't know where to turn to.

It sucks watching shit play out in real time like this. Watching demons come out to play and mess with everything you hold holy-and dear to you??? :))) I wanna be a better person. I want to grow but I have shit wrapped aroud my neck from years worth of shit all festering at onceahaha

I'll be remedicated in 3 days......................:))))))))))

MOOD: Looking for a reason to stay alive

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Nothing

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

MAY 17, 2025

Been working harder than ever lately, totaling over 20 hours every week now and its something alright. I don't wanna sound like a whiny complainer but its kinda hard doing any of this shit unmedicated. It shouldn't be hard, its usually not hard but fuckkk i'm just getting so angry at every little thing and its driving me crazy. I've been nonstop watching the original smurfs cartoon and miraculous ladybug haha its been kinda fun. I was a big smurf fan as a kid so its been cute and cozy to revisit... Ummmm fuck the new smurfs movie tho and wow is Rihanna's new song really bad.

Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but really I don't think I am... Im really sick of all these pop stars pushing their coke-and dmt-and acid and molly and whatever drug addictions onto little girls, why are our girls being told that what they should look forward to in adulthood is doing lines and being drug-addicted-party-obsessed , idk idk idk im kinda tired of the glorification of this shit. I heard something abt the new Rihanna song being made while she was on dmt/acid and thats why it sounds like shit cuz u need to actually be inebriated to like it and this shit is being made for the smurfs movie.... cmon.... cmonnnnnnnnnnnn......................

I just feel for the young girls out there today.

MOOD: Gotta wake up at 5 am,,, KILL ME!!!

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Devi Mccallion: Project_6

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

MAY 11, 2025

Hi netizens! I've been a very busy snail lately... I wish that just like a butterfly I could fly away from everything. I just got around to updating my gallery page with major help from empiressmp and their own art gallery page that I found via reddit. While it's updated, its not complete! (will this place ever be complete...?) as none of the images save for like 2 actually link to anything. You may be thinking, Nathan what have you been up yo lately? To that I answer: making sandwiches... sigh, its been a nonstop working grind for me lately but making the money has been really good. I was able to commission an artists I've wanted to for a while for a pixel page graphic without having to feel immesnly guilty for "wasting" money, does anyone else here deal with spending guilt?

My next plans for this page is to work on the PLAYHOUSE tab, which will be dedicated to dress-up games, pixel dolls, and.... maybe a catolog of all the dolls I own (real ones!) I would love to share pics of my collection too, I am psyched to show off my favorite dollies, including Mimi Merize heart heart heart!!!!!!

Well, see you guys next time! Byeeee!!!

MOOD: Not feeling too good

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Lip Critic & Izzy Da Fonseca: Death Lurking

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

MAY 3, 2025

Hi everyone, I'm feeling a bit better. I went on a nice date with my boyfriend. Getting breakfast from IHOP. I really enjoy their avocado toast, it was very delicious! The fruit they had tasted good too. A lot of the times I dislike the taste of strawberry now but mannn those ones were goooood!!! I've been really into collecting XOX Kweenies... Oh my gosh I could go on about them but I wanna go to bed cuz I have a very early shift... Goodnight everyone!!!

APRIL 29, 2025

I'm having a hard time believing things will be okay for me. I'll be honest when I say that I never could have imagined living to the age of 22 let alone 18. I know that this is a common feeling amongst suicidal kids that become adults but I really failed myself by not imagining a better future. How foolish of me to imagine that one day I would be able to make cartoons and video games and work for the big name companies. Now I'm just depressed and hate the world around me and those big companies I once saw as beautiful. As a child I wanted to work for Nintendo and pitch many many game ideas. I imagined I'd be the first in the world to make american anime (I wasn't the brightest kid ok?) I had dreams and now my only aspirtions in life are to just make it to the next day.

I wish I could be cleansed and I wish that my meds worked, 20mg of Lexapro and I still have these horrible intrusive thoughts and years worth of paranoid thinking inside me. I'm sorry for bringing this all over online of all places, I know I am being weak and vunerable by posting this anywhere else but inside my own head, but I really am lost, confused, hurt, and lonely. Nothing brings me joy, I don't even know if my interests are my own, I don't know who I am and its evident everywhere.

TMI: SEX TALK, CSA, ETC..... READ WITH CAUTION

Not even that is fun for me, It never has been really and it's all in my head. My doctors tell me its okay you'll recover it just takes a long time. Man Fuck me why did I have to be ******* as a child why did I expose myself to the very worst of the worst, I fucked myself up so royally. ALL this to say- I think I'm asexual or something, or maybe I'm just traumatized, depressed, and repulsed.

God Bless anyone who reads and empathizes, I love you.

APRIL 26, 2025

Hello everyone, I've been offline kinda , just in favor of having alone time, ive been incredibly busy with work too but all is okay.

As Okay as Okayyy can be...

I have been watching smurfs with my boyfriend and its been fun its so cute I use to really love the smurfs as a kid... but tbh I was always a bigger Snorks enjoyer c: ........

Enjoy some new art in the gallery too...

APRIL 22,2025

Can I be honest...?

Surely its not just me who feels this way... But the end times feel so close.

Maybe this isn't the end, but the start of a new age. I'm scared that I am the central point of sin and that my reality is slowly cracking revealing to me everything wrong with my way of living. Maybe being the way I am is dangerous to nature... Or, maybe thats just how nature rolls?

The pope has died, the procheicies from many era's prior have talked about the last pope and the last president before the rise of anarchy and the new age. I just hope God can forgive me.

oh yea... i should take my pills haha.

MOOD: In Pain

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Everything Is Easy! - Deaths Dynamic Shroud

EATING: PB & J

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

APRIL 20,2025

Happy Easter!

I would like to take the time to give an easter blessing. Heavenly Father, our hearts are so full of joy today. You feel so near to us on this special celebreation of Easter, may the love we feel this morning stay with us for he rest of the day, and always. While the culture around us continues to shift in unusual ways and the signs are all aligning to one answer, I thank you for everything beautiful you've put on this earth. Amen

On that note.... Jeeeesusssss.... Work was busy lol but despite it all it flew by pretty quickly, I spent the rest of the day washing up and catering to myself. My family made delicious spiral-honey glazed ham with sweet potato yams + marshmallow, and if you know anything about me I love a good spiral AND SWEET POTATO!!

I feel hopeful, I know things aren't bright and the world is tearing itself apart in utter chaos, but I believe in the strength of all of us, as a collective. May the rest of your day be filled with endless love and blessings.

APRIL 19, 2025

Hello netizens. Things have been kinda stressful lately but my little page has been bringing me a lot of happiness! I have 23 hours this week for work and im both pumped to finally be getting more hours, but nervous because its Easter haha. I mean really, who wants sandwiches on Easter? WHO!!!! I finally got this scroll box thing figured out, woo hoo!

Anyyyways, over the weekend I got the Macy's Exclusive Humbo Shadow Plushie!

Isn't he so cute??? He's incredibly high quality and very comfy to cuddle. I also have the Sonic to match.

Anyways, I've got to wake up at 5 am tomorrow. So I should probably get some sleep... Oh before I forgot, EXTRA PAGE E HAS SOME GOODIES ^_^~

MOOD: Tired

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Used To Be Better - Devi Mccallion & Lauren Bousfield

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

APRIL 17, 2025

Holy Thursday, am I right?

Work was interesting today, I was suppose to be working second shift (2-6) but got called in for morning shift instead. It was soooo disgustingly busy because of the holiday. Anyways my boyfriend ate me!!!! Just kidding, but did you know he's working on his own webpage? Check out gamecubewizard.neocities.org I'm gonna be working on silly pages next. 2k-tan shrine SOON!!!!

I also want to add a cbox.... but am I ready to embark on that journey...? People scare me but I like making friends...

MOOD: Getting High

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Boiler - Limp Bizkit

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Nothing

DIARY

APRIL 16, 2025

Good afternoon fellow netizens. How're doing? Good? Great.

I took a trip to the store for my step mom and she let us get some breakfast / lunch on her which was cool!! I got a chai with cold foam... yummm. I'm currently trying to work on the art section of my blog and my buddy Pagel suggested I go about it by thumbnails which is so genius I just need to figure that out... erm obvs i know how to do thaaaat....

Work tomorrow ... FML!

MOOD: Ok

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: if only it worked that way - Divine Interventions

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY Nothing

DIARY

APRIL 15, 2025

get haxx noob - Moe

APRIL 15, 2025

Sorry for another diary update on the same day but god I literally can't stop thinking about sonadow. I think I'm gonna be indulgent here and post all kinds of art... fandom, oc, idk i dont really feel comfortable sharing fandom art on big social media platforms because fandom spaces are so toxic but i cannot deny my love for these two ...wimper.... I may stop editing for tonight but I cannot wait to make my art page a little nervous to like, code all that but we'll see. Tomorrow is a new day right?

MOOD: Silly

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Nothing

EATING: Nothing

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Aqua Teen Hunger Force

DIARY

APRIL 15, 2025

Today I spent the whole day just kinda working on this, but im actually pretty happy about it all things considered. My poor partner Moe is sick and we've just been trying to chill and push through it. He's currently playing Sonic Riders and the game is presenting a lot of challenge lol. We already beat story mode but now we're completing missions to unlock the secret character............. NiGHTS!!

MOOD: Feeling Okay

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: TOXIC - PUSSY RIOT

EATING: pesto pasta with roasted tomatos

CURRENTLY WATCHING: Aqua Teen Hunger Force

With Peace & Love from outterspace--- NATHAN